TERRIFIED!!

the pessimistic side of me :
- to think the day that i have to go overseas, i start to shiver and tears start coming out ... coz i feel unsafe being so long from home country which is why, i won't complaint if i didn't go to any tour .. infact, i'm not the type that enjoy exploration .. just enjoy being with family/friends during tour
- i'm scared to be at the custom at another country coz i know i'm not supposed to be there for so long ... there was once, i was ask to go into the room for questioning, but, my tears start flooding my eyes and that custom officer just let me go .. i guess, he's scared to see me cry :P .. how lucky i am that moment!!!
- i'm scared to go to a far away place for so long where i will miss my family members, bf and dearest friends ... i sure miss the daily things that i do at my home country with my family, bf and friends ... i don't get to call them whenever i feel to do so (mahal-leh)
- thinking that i have to wake up early in the morning to prepare my lunchbox, it just so tiring yet i had to coz my tastebud still prefer my home country foods (some is good .. really good .. if just have those food for once awhile is ok .. but, helo, for the whole month!!) ...
- dunno will it be like another project where i can't find teamspirit...
- i'm tired to go overseas tooo long coz my 4 days in KL/3days/2 days in KL, aint enuf at all. i have tooo MANY ACTIVITIES with family and bf and friends and pasar pagi too!! (need to buy foods to bring over there) that i find so hard to squeeze everything into 4 days only

the optimistic side of me : ... i force myself to be optimistic ... so hard to hide my pessimistic side ... yet, need to think of the good else how to survive overseas ...
- earning money for CNY ... (but, i don't really need either ... coz, i've managed to control my expenses that i manage to spend wisely and save up too)
- seeing my ex projectmates ... (but, they are different project, susah mau meet up with them and for sure there will be some gap coz we all different project .. but, i still enjoy meeting them)
- getting cheap things from overseas ... (but, i don't have enough place in luggage to bring them back also .. and buying more meaning spending more and i've manage to spend less nowadays .. thanks to my bf and mom who always remind/scold me if i spend on unnecessary things)
- getting a promotion year end coz i'm taking the responsibility ... (but, i don't wish to go overseas-loh .. i rahter the company tak promote me)